Golden Chain, My Mother's Day Tree

Yesterday was another rainy, soggy day, so I mostly stayed inside and did online work. But, I did spend a bit of time outside. The husband and I went to a local nursery (from where I'd received a gift certificate for Mother's Day), to pick out a Golden Chain tree. (By the way, I love it that Bam snuck into the corner of the picture below!)I've been wanting one of these lovely trees for the past few years, especially during this time of year when I see them blooming all around my area. It took me a bit to figure out the name of this lovely tree, that's one of the reasons why I initially received a gift certificate instead of the tree itself. Sending the husband and s-son to a nursery in search of "that yellow blossomed tree I love", isn't too effective. There's a gal that works at this particular nursery, Mary. Mary is a wealth of information about gardening. I've asked her many questions over the years and she's always offered accurate and wise advice. Many of my plants have her to thank for their survival. Well, she let me know that my Golden Chain had recently been a bare root tree, so the best route to avoid putting my lovely new tree through transplant shock, would be for us to burry the tree in the ground in it's pot and then dig it up again in the fall and put it in the ground without the pot once it had had the chance to develop a stronger root system. That's exactly what I did/am going to do. Though you can't see it from the angle of these pictures, the tree is lined up so I can enjoy it from my kitchen window, the window in our breakfast nook, and even from the deck outside our master bedroom. It adds gorgeous color to our yard, I love it already!

Happy Mother's Day

It seems that each year in time for Mother's Day, one of the horses on a farm that neighbors our house gives birth to a foal. It is always fun to watch the new mama and baby interact. This year's little horse loves to jump and run around, and it seems that all that running usually results in a nice long afternoon nap - pretty cute. This horse mama is very sweet with her baby, patient and gentle. I guess something are universal. Animal or human, mamas are just made to love. Happy Mother's Day to my mom and all of the other mamas out there!

A Gift For Me

This post is my gift to myself on my 31st birthday... I was puttering around in the garden the other day inspecting things and taking pictures. I snapped a picture of this marigold because there is a little story behind it to share. It was a gift from my stepson on Mother's Day. That weekend he spent Friday afternoon/evening, Saturday, through Sunday morning at our house with the husband and I. The parenting agreement the husband has with his ex has a clause for each of them to have a visit on Mother's or Father's Day from 9 am on regardless of whether the weekend is "their weekend" of visitation.

The stepson left that morning as scheduled, but suprised us later that afternoon by showing up at the house, his mom driving him over. To explain, the husband and I were both a little confused/shocked, his ex never goes out of her way to bring him by for any extra time, it just does not happen. Let's just say she isn't the warmest person, she's made it very clear in the last several years through words and actions that she doesn't want my husband or I to be happy people.

So when she pulled up with the stepson, we were out in the garden chatting with our neighbors. The stepson got out of the car, and kind of skipped across the lawn towards us with one arm behind his back. He presented me with the marigold, he looked pretty pleased as he said "Happy Mother's Day" to me.

I was honestly kind of shocked...I didn't expect him to acknowledge me in any way on Mother's Day. Really, I'm not his mom...he has a mother. The last few years have been a bit of a roller coaster as we've all tried to get used to each other. This has been my first true "maternal" experience...it hasn't been easy. The traditional experience of becoming a mother involves giving life to your own child, caring for them and loving them unconditionally and receiving their love in return, pretty pure right?

The experience of a childless stepmom isn't so pure. There's lots of negotiating, compromising, gaining patience, tears, frustration, feeling taken advantage of...in the past several months I've been in a holding pattern. Basically I've been trying to get some space and perspective. I think I went into my relationship with my husband understanding that the best thing would be for me to love his son. It hasn't been easy, I've made good steps and I've made mistakes. Last fall we went through some things as a family that left me feeling taken advantage of and burnt out from trying to force everything to work. I felt like I needed to rethink what I was willing to give and what I was willing to put myself through. In many ways having a stepchild in your home is like having your spouse's ex in your home...not easy is a very mild way to put it, at times it's hell.

In stepping back I've been able to give my husband and his son space to just be guys together. I've also been able to find outlets for myself, to fill my time with things that are healthy and that build who I am. Taking the time to renegotiate these family connections and relationships has been healthy for me. We are slowly starting over. I feel like I now know what mistakes to avoid, but I'm still figuring out how to be a stepmom without feeling like I'm letting myself be hurt or taken advantage by my stepson and his mother. Some days I feel like I've learned tons, other days I feel like I don't know a thing about any of this.

It is a slow process, I don't know how everything will turn out. I guess it's fair to say that I would not recommend becoming a stepmom, but for myself I am grateful for the experience. I've grown. I was pretty naive when my husband and I married almost two years ago...I've gained wisdom from this situation, I never would have predicted any of this.

I especially would have never predicted this card from my stepson for my birthday this year, it was given to me along with a wisteria to plant on the pergola over the entrance to my garden. The husband tells me that when they were talking about presents for me that the stepson suggested another marigold because I'd liked the first one so much. I thought that was very sweet in a child-like way, if something worked, stick with it! But when the husband told him the items I'd dropped hints about, the wisteria was the item that the stepson jumped on. Smart kid!

So here is my card, written for me by my stepson who is 11 years old. It speaks for itself.

I have received other gifts this year, all of which I am grateful and appreciative for, but I think the givers of those gifts (especially the husband) would not be offended if I say that this card is the gift that will stand out the most on this birthday.

Happy Mother's Day!

On one of the properties that is adjacent to ours a new colt recently arrived. I went out for a mommy-baby-photo-shoot...quite appropriate for today if I do say so.

The husband and I agreed that these pictures do really capture the true meaning of Mother's Day...a mother truly nutures her baby the way no one else can. Watching this horse and her colt is a very sweet reminder of the sacrifice that mothers make and how they do it with pure devotion and love.

We were very busy today...the end result of a long day's work is that the chicks are at last in their coop...no longer sharing a "bedroom" with Bambino. I'm sure he'll be glad to see his little sisters out of his kennel finally.

So tomorrow my post will be a celebratory coop grand opening!