32

Yesterday was my birthday. I didn't see it coming, but turning 32 had the effect on me that I thought that 30 would (but didn't). It wasn't like the whole day was shot, but I did have a few moments where it kind of hit me how quickly time is passing. I'm positive it sounds cliche', but every year seems to go by more quickly than the last. I guess that made me feel a little melancholy. But like I said, it's not like the whole day was shot. I still celebrated (quietly). I had a lovely conversation with my mom, neither one of us is much of a phone-talker, so being on the phone for a couple of hours felt luxurious. It made me miss her, but in a good way, not a sad way.I also treated myself to a much needed pedicure and on a whim I decided to have the gal wax my eyebrows (first time for that!). In the late afternoon the husband and I took Bambino for a walk on the beach. We don't go there enough, one of my resolutions for 32 will be to spend more time there, it's beautiful. Even though it's been a very rainy end to spring here, the sun was nice enough to stay out for most of the day, it actually felt like summer. Growing up in California, I loved having a "summer birthday", pool parties are the best! My first year in WA, I realized that I no longer had the guarantee of gorgeous weather on my special day. The sunshine was not taken for granted!

The day finished much better than it started, mostly because my attitude relaxed a bit. The reality is that 32 still sounds very old to me, but I would never want to go back to 22, or even 28. I have a great life, I am where I should be and there are many good things ahead, I just needed a day to adjust to my new age. Later in the week there will be more birthday celebrating, this time with more family around, but the day itself was special, I liked spending it quietly with the husband. Speaking of whom, for my birthday, one of the gifts he gave me was a gorgeous wisteria vine, found at my new favorite local nursery. We are going to plant it in a container that he is making out of cedar. It's home will be on our back patio where I am going to train it to climb up the supports for our upper deck.

I'll be back throughout the week to share a bit of what has been keeping things busy around here, I know I've been quiet in this space, but real life has been anything but quiet!

See ya soon!

Happy Birthday, Turbo!

It's the husband's birthday today...and right now he's literally on the other side of the world. It's an understatement to say I miss him. How can I put into words how much I wish he was here or I was there? When my most important person isn't here, I can get through the tasks of my day, but I still feel a little lost.

These feet, that will stay in their favorite pair of hiking boots even during a nap, are right now on the other side of the world in the country of Egypt!

Of course I'm independent and can take care of myself and our home, but it is nice to share life's responsibilities with my best friend. It's also nice to share downtime...lately we've been able to get more of that together.

He sometimes hangs out in my office while I work or sew...just to be in the same room.

I like the sweet things he does for me even when he doesn't have to, makes me want to turn around and do the same. I noticed from the start of our relationship that the give and take balance between us was amazing...no other relationship I'd had prior had been that way - I guess that's why it worked out and we got married :-)

He fills up my car - even when I'm the driver.

Our house doesn't feel the same when he's not here. Even Figaro and Bambino are different when he's not here, it's like they know that our "pack" is missing it's leader. I've always been the one to nurture and cuddle them, but the husband is their authority figure as well as the one who plays and rough houses with them, they definately shine in a unique way when he gives them attention and plays with them.

I've never seen a cat trust someone as much as Fig trusts his dad.

Before he left, I was able to take him to a couple of his favorite local spots...Snow Goose Produce for the biggest ice cream cones you've ever seen, I literally scrape about half off of mine off each time and still it's a huge scoop. It's a fun place to visit, they are located off of a country road, right smack dab in the middle of a bunch of farm fields. It's pretty common to see heavy farm machinery drive by while we sit and enjoy our cones. As their name says, they also have wonderful produce...remember the picture of the big, ugly, sweet carrots? That was at Snow Goose. So I've always liked going there, but it wasn't until we discovered the ice cream that the husband has really enjoyed it like I do...we're both happy.

Because chocolate causes him migraines, he always ends up with some variation of vanilla with caramel, his favorite.

The other place I took him recently is our favorite burger spot, Fiamma, up in Bellingham. It's always a winner for us. It is on the way to/back from Mt. Baker, so I imagine when we go up there to snowboard this winter, we'll be stopping for dinner at Fiamma's pretty much every time.

A trip to Fiamma always makes for a great day!

It helps to think that he's doing things that he loves on his trip, things he wouldn't be able to do on his birthday if he were home...first meeting his oldest friend in Cairo, then the two of them travelling to the Red Sea to go diving. They were certified to dive together on a trip they took to Austrailia a few months before I met the husband. So, this is kind of a fun return for the husband to his "bachelor days", he's said a few times recently that it will be fun to do a "guys trip". He doesn't often get to do that sort of thing.

After that, they're traveling back to Cairo and meeting up with the rest of their Habitat for Humanity team for building. The husband is a builder by trade here, but he has never built a brick and mortar house, so I'm sure he is going to be learning some new masonry skills. I don't know how modernized the building methods are going to be, so it will be interesting to hear him share about his experiences. He has an amazing work ethic, so his team will benefit. I don't know too many other people who work as hard as he does.

Always one to stay busy, he uses his tractor to do work on our property and for other people.

Once the build is over I'll be flying into Cairo. We're going to have a few days there to see the pyramids and the Great Sphinx of Giza. I'm also excited to find some markets/bazaars to do some shopping. I'm horrible when it comes to bartering for a better price, but I've learned that it is expected there....so maybe this will be my chance to work on that. I definately want to find some Egyptian cotton to use in the quilt I want to make for our bed...a piece big enough to use as the backing would be great. Right now I'm trying to focus on life here, getting work and some sewing done, giving both pets lots of love, and even enjoying the things that are benefits to being home alone: eating strange combinations of food that only I find appetizing, spending too much time plucking my eyebrows, the floors staying clean for more than a day after I've mopped/vacuumed them, sleeping diagonally on the bed (or not!), watching shows on tv that I know would irritate him...you know, the stuff you don't realize is so great before you live in the same house as the love of your life!

So cheers to the husband on his 39th birthday spent on the African continent, and cheers to me being temporarily single in a round-a-bout kind of way.

Letter for 38

A letter to my husband who is travelling overseas:

Darling today is the last day of your 38th year...and a year from tomorrow you will say goodbye to your 30's. Live it up, my love, fully enjoy every part of your trip and of course embrace this next year with your usual energy and drive. I'm proud to be married to someone who goes out and lives his dreams! I'm happy that you are going to get to dive on your birthday tomorrow, that's so perfect! I will be there with you in just a little more than a week...

Your wife

Celebrating 31 Years...Over a Couple of Days

My birthday celebrations began four days early with a small family dinner party thrown by the husband. He made dinner, tri-tip and potatoes cooked all day in the slow cooker. My mother-in-law brought a macaroni salad and a delicious fruit salad. We also had my favorite bread, a sourdough baguette.One of our family traditions is to use this plate for each person's birthday or special occasion. I painted it the summer before we got engaged at one of those pottery painting shops.

The husband asked what kind of cake I wanted...for the last two years it's been Black Forrest Cherry cake for me. It makes me think of my Oma. She passed away in November of 2001. She was the classic Oma, made all the yummy German treats as I was growing up. She brought over this kind of cake for my birthdays when I was a little girl. I've always loved the combination of chocolate cake with cherries since.The husband hand washed the "Special Day" plate between dinner and dessert - nice touch!

On my actual birthday I woke up earlier than the husband so I decided to start cooking breakfast. When he woke up he helped me finish up. The strawberries that went on our waffles came out of our garden...the husband picked about a pint of them the night before.
Later in the day I got to go shopping...it's been a LONG time since I've bought clothes and shoes...long for me this time was about 10 months. I've picked up the random shirt, pair of underwear or other piece from time to time, but I haven't gone out and splurged on several things at the same time. It's been good to take a break, I think I appreciated today even more. Besides, it was a good day, I found some fabulous items.

My new shoes

One pink flowy tube top, three cami's in pink, black and salmon, jean capris, white clamdiggers, and three pairs of peds...all good summer staples.

What a fun birthday!

A Gift For Me

This post is my gift to myself on my 31st birthday... I was puttering around in the garden the other day inspecting things and taking pictures. I snapped a picture of this marigold because there is a little story behind it to share. It was a gift from my stepson on Mother's Day. That weekend he spent Friday afternoon/evening, Saturday, through Sunday morning at our house with the husband and I. The parenting agreement the husband has with his ex has a clause for each of them to have a visit on Mother's or Father's Day from 9 am on regardless of whether the weekend is "their weekend" of visitation.

The stepson left that morning as scheduled, but suprised us later that afternoon by showing up at the house, his mom driving him over. To explain, the husband and I were both a little confused/shocked, his ex never goes out of her way to bring him by for any extra time, it just does not happen. Let's just say she isn't the warmest person, she's made it very clear in the last several years through words and actions that she doesn't want my husband or I to be happy people.

So when she pulled up with the stepson, we were out in the garden chatting with our neighbors. The stepson got out of the car, and kind of skipped across the lawn towards us with one arm behind his back. He presented me with the marigold, he looked pretty pleased as he said "Happy Mother's Day" to me.

I was honestly kind of shocked...I didn't expect him to acknowledge me in any way on Mother's Day. Really, I'm not his mom...he has a mother. The last few years have been a bit of a roller coaster as we've all tried to get used to each other. This has been my first true "maternal" experience...it hasn't been easy. The traditional experience of becoming a mother involves giving life to your own child, caring for them and loving them unconditionally and receiving their love in return, pretty pure right?

The experience of a childless stepmom isn't so pure. There's lots of negotiating, compromising, gaining patience, tears, frustration, feeling taken advantage of...in the past several months I've been in a holding pattern. Basically I've been trying to get some space and perspective. I think I went into my relationship with my husband understanding that the best thing would be for me to love his son. It hasn't been easy, I've made good steps and I've made mistakes. Last fall we went through some things as a family that left me feeling taken advantage of and burnt out from trying to force everything to work. I felt like I needed to rethink what I was willing to give and what I was willing to put myself through. In many ways having a stepchild in your home is like having your spouse's ex in your home...not easy is a very mild way to put it, at times it's hell.

In stepping back I've been able to give my husband and his son space to just be guys together. I've also been able to find outlets for myself, to fill my time with things that are healthy and that build who I am. Taking the time to renegotiate these family connections and relationships has been healthy for me. We are slowly starting over. I feel like I now know what mistakes to avoid, but I'm still figuring out how to be a stepmom without feeling like I'm letting myself be hurt or taken advantage by my stepson and his mother. Some days I feel like I've learned tons, other days I feel like I don't know a thing about any of this.

It is a slow process, I don't know how everything will turn out. I guess it's fair to say that I would not recommend becoming a stepmom, but for myself I am grateful for the experience. I've grown. I was pretty naive when my husband and I married almost two years ago...I've gained wisdom from this situation, I never would have predicted any of this.

I especially would have never predicted this card from my stepson for my birthday this year, it was given to me along with a wisteria to plant on the pergola over the entrance to my garden. The husband tells me that when they were talking about presents for me that the stepson suggested another marigold because I'd liked the first one so much. I thought that was very sweet in a child-like way, if something worked, stick with it! But when the husband told him the items I'd dropped hints about, the wisteria was the item that the stepson jumped on. Smart kid!

So here is my card, written for me by my stepson who is 11 years old. It speaks for itself.

I have received other gifts this year, all of which I am grateful and appreciative for, but I think the givers of those gifts (especially the husband) would not be offended if I say that this card is the gift that will stand out the most on this birthday.